my thoughts on: c-sections

let me just warn you upfront. this is going to be kind of journaly. i've had these thoughts milling around in my head for a while, and i just need to get them out and written down.

after my labor with finley, we knew we were in store for more c-sections. here's why...

my labor was totally the opposite of a text-book labor. my first contractions were really painful and close together {3 minutes on the dot}. i labored at home from friday night around 8 until sunday morning, when my midwife decided we needed to head for the hospital. she couldn't explain why my body wouldn't dialate past 6, but she knew we needed an epidural, pitocin, and sleep.  as soon as i got settled in the hospital bed, my water broke and things started to progress.  when it came time to push i  was so happy that my epidural was weak enough that i could still feel everything happening. my nurses and midwife coached me, brian held my legs, and it was exactly how i always pictured it. except after a while we realized nothing was happening. her head never budged. we tried different positions and techniques, my midwife tried rotating finley's head, and nothing was helping. after two hours my midewife made it clear that she didn't think i'd be able to deliever finley. there were some other things going on {i developed a fever, and finley's heartrate had dropped}, but the main concern was that her gosh darn head would not come down even a teensy tiny bit.  i asked her to let me try pushing for one more hour. so for one more hour we pushed, switched positions, pushed, and nothing. so we were whisked off for surgery. during the surgery i tried not to listen to the doctors and all the surgery sounds. i kept focused on brian's face, and tried to pay attention while he distracted me. still though, i heard the operating team say things like, 'get me a stool. the baby is really wedged in the birth canal. i need more leverage'. and 'we need a nurse to push her head up from the outside'. finally they got her out. she was blue, not crying, and not moving. they slapped her a few times, gave her some oxygen, and she gave out the most glorious scream. when brian was able to bring her over to me, it was love at first sight. despite the fact that she had the WORST cone head and laceration on the top of her head. the poor thing really, truly was stuck in my pelvis. during my recovery my midwife tried to explain what had happened. she told us that my pelvis isn't shaped like most peoples, and i would never be able to deliver naturally. at the time, i was too googely eyed over my beautiful girl to really process or care about what she was telling me.

i couldn't have asked for a better recovery, it was fast, and i wasn't in too much pain.  two and half years later it was time for adalaide to join the world. i knew i'd be having another c-section, and i had mostly come to terms with it. i found that having a repeat, planned c-section was 1,000 times better. i was prepared emotionally. and this time my body and baby, hadn't gone through a long, stressful labor. the mood in the OR was lighthearted. my midwife, the surgeon and the nurses worked to make my experience as special as could be, given the situation. and again i had an amazing recovery.

now, baby no. 3 is right around the corner, and i wish more than anything that i could deliver naturally. you have no idea. i've watched friends and family deliever babies {my sisters do it at home in horse troughs!!!} and every part of me wishes i could do it too {maybe not the horse trough part}. no matter how i spin it, c-sections are not ideal. i'm thankful that we have them, but they aren't ideal.

but as i've been working through my disappointment and praying about it, i had this thought: God knows me. He knows my heart and my desires. I believe He gave me that crazy, unusally long, incredibly memorable labor with finley, so that i could have that experience. so that i could remember it forever. And i do. I still remember every single detail. especially the hours i spent pushing, looking to brian while he counted and encouraged me. As much as I wish it didn't have to be this way, I feel so thankful for my experience.

No matter how many kids join our family, I'll only have one true labor story to tell. But isn't God wonderful for giving me a doozy of a story?

my thoughts on: c-sections

let me just warn you upfront. this is going to be kind of journaly. i've had these thoughts milling around in my head for a while, and i just need to get them out and written down.

after my labor with finley, we knew we were in store for more c-sections. here's why...

my labor was totally the opposite of a text-book labor. my first contractions were really painful and close together {3 minutes on the dot}. i labored at home from friday night around 8 until sunday morning, when my midwife decided we needed to head for the hospital. she couldn't explain why my body wouldn't dialate past 6, but she knew we needed an epidural, pitocin, and sleep.  as soon as i got settled in the hospital bed, my water broke and things started to progress.  when it came time to push i  was so happy that my epidural was weak enough that i could still feel everything happening. my nurses and midwife coached me, brian held my legs, and it was exactly how i always pictured it. except after a while we realized nothing was happening. her head never budged. we tried different positions and techniques, my midwife tried rotating finley's head, and nothing was helping. after two hours my midewife made it clear that she didn't think i'd be able to deliever finley. there were some other things going on {i developed a fever, and finley's heartrate had dropped}, but the main concern was that her gosh darn head would not come down even a teensy tiny bit.  i asked her to let me try pushing for one more hour. so for one more hour we pushed, switched positions, pushed, and nothing. so we were whisked off for surgery. during the surgery i tried not to listen to the doctors and all the surgery sounds. i kept focused on brian's face, and tried to pay attention while he distracted me. still though, i heard the operating team say things like, 'get me a stool. the baby is really wedged in the birth canal. i need more leverage'. and 'we need a nurse to push her head up from the outside'. finally they got her out. she was blue, not crying, and not moving. they slapped her a few times, gave her some oxygen, and she gave out the most glorious scream. when brian was able to bring her over to me, it was love at first sight. despite the fact that she had the WORST cone head and laceration on the top of her head. the poor thing really, truly was stuck in my pelvis. during my recovery my midwife tried to explain what had happened. she told us that my pelvis isn't shaped like most peoples, and i would never be able to deliver naturally. at the time, i was too googely eyed over my beautiful girl to really process or care about what she was telling me.

i couldn't have asked for a better recovery, it was fast, and i wasn't in too much pain.  two and half years later it was time for adalaide to join the world. i knew i'd be having another c-section, and i had mostly come to terms with it. i found that having a repeat, planned c-section was 1,000 times better. i was prepared emotionally. and this time my body and baby, hadn't gone through a long, stressful labor. the mood in the OR was lighthearted. my midwife, the surgeon and the nurses worked to make my experience as special as could be, given the situation. and again i had an amazing recovery.

now, baby no. 3 is right around the corner, and i wish more than anything that i could deliver naturally. you have no idea. i've watched friends and family deliever babies {my sisters do it at home in horse troughs!!!} and every part of me wishes i could do it too {maybe not the horse trough part}. no matter how i spin it, c-sections are not ideal. i'm thankful that we have them, but they aren't ideal.

but as i've been working through my disappointment and praying about it, i had this thought: God knows me. He knows my heart and my desires. I believe He gave me that crazy, unusally long, incredibly memorable labor with finley, so that i could have that experience. so that i could remember it forever. And i do. I still remember every single detail. especially the hours i spent pushing, looking to brian while he counted and encouraged me. As much as I wish it didn't have to be this way, I feel so thankful for my experience.

No matter how many kids join our family, I'll only have one true labor story to tell. But isn't God wonderful for giving me a doozy of a story?

adalaide's first birthday

it's an interesting thing being pregnant and extra emotional when your baby turns one. i teared up during brian's prayer for her at her party. i teared up looking back at the photos from her birth. and i could probably tear up right now just trying to put words to how much we love our little adalaide.

from the day i met her i've had this urge to just eat her, or squeeze her or kiss her to death. do you know what i mean, or does that sound creepy? some babies just do that to me, and she's one of them {probably has a lot to do with her adorable chubby thighs}. she joined our family with such ease and made the transition to two kids incredibly easy and enjoyable. even through all her illness this winter, she's been one of the least demanding babies i know.

she is a dynamic little thing. she's  mostly loud, silly, and on the go all the time. but she can be very shy and reserved in certain settings. she wants her family right by her side at all times. she's always been this way, so i'd venture to say it's a part of her personality and not just stranger anxiety. she always warms up to new people and new settings-she just wants to do it on her terms and in her timing.

she is loving. so extremely loving, and affectionate.  please lord, let her always have such a loving spirit. she loves to snuggle and give hugs.  throughout the day she crawls over to me and gives me big, slobbery kisses-all on her own without me asking. when brian comes home from work she needs to spend a couple of minutes loving on him. if this time doesn't happen, she'll follow him around making it known that she needs something.

she loves her big sister. before having our second child i never would have imagined how fast a bond develops between siblings. even though the age gap is quite obvious at this stage, they really are buddies. she needs to be in the same room as finley at all times, eating the same food, and playing with the same toys. the cute thing is, for the most part finley loves it and reciprocates it. i love listening to them giggle and play together. seriously, there's no better sound.

things that she loves: her blankie, baths, playing in finley's bed, strawberries, sneaking into the bathroom to unroll the toilet paper, reading books, going to the park, and dancing.

this weekend we had some family over to celebrate her special day. it was the kind of party i think she'd ask for if she could-simple.

i made her a special pink cake, but wondered to myself if she'd actually eat it. she hasn't had sugar before, and doesn't particularly enjoy getting messy. 

sure enough, she hated it. she barely touched it and grimaced every time she had a taste of it.

on her actual birthday i made her something i knew she'd love. strawberries! covered in whip cream, of course, so i could get the classic 'messy face' picture.

we love our little adalaide may so much. this year with her has been such a joy, and she's been such a blessing to our family. even though i'd love for her to stay our adorable chubby baby forever, we can't wait to watch her grow into a little lady.

happy first birthday, adalaide!

and just for fun...

adalaide's first birthday

it's an interesting thing being pregnant and extra emotional when your baby turns one. i teared up during brian's prayer for her at her party. i teared up looking back at the photos from her birth. and i could probably tear up right now just trying to put words to how much we love our little adalaide.

from the day i met her i've had this urge to just eat her, or squeeze her or kiss her to death. do you know what i mean, or does that sound creepy? some babies just do that to me, and she's one of them {probably has a lot to do with her adorable chubby thighs}. she joined our family with such ease and made the transition to two kids incredibly easy and enjoyable. even through all her illness this winter, she's been one of the least demanding babies i know.

she is a dynamic little thing. she's  mostly loud, silly, and on the go all the time. but she can be very shy and reserved in certain settings. she wants her family right by her side at all times. she's always been this way, so i'd venture to say it's a part of her personality and not just stranger anxiety. she always warms up to new people and new settings-she just wants to do it on her terms and in her timing.

she is loving. so extremely loving, and affectionate.  please lord, let her always have such a loving spirit. she loves to snuggle and give hugs.  throughout the day she crawls over to me and gives me big, slobbery kisses-all on her own without me asking. when brian comes home from work she needs to spend a couple of minutes loving on him. if this time doesn't happen, she'll follow him around making it known that she needs something.

she loves her big sister. before having our second child i never would have imagined how fast a bond develops between siblings. even though the age gap is quite obvious at this stage, they really are buddies. she needs to be in the same room as finley at all times, eating the same food, and playing with the same toys. the cute thing is, for the most part finley loves it and reciprocates it. i love listening to them giggle and play together. seriously, there's no better sound.

things that she loves: her blankie, baths, playing in finley's bed, strawberries, sneaking into the bathroom to unroll the toilet paper, reading books, going to the park, and dancing.

this weekend we had some family over to celebrate her special day. it was the kind of party i think she'd ask for if she could-simple.

i made her a special pink cake, but wondered to myself if she'd actually eat it. she hasn't had sugar before, and doesn't particularly enjoy getting messy. 

sure enough, she hated it. she barely touched it and grimaced every time she had a taste of it.

on her actual birthday i made her something i knew she'd love. strawberries! covered in whip cream, of course, so i could get the classic 'messy face' picture.

we love our little adalaide may so much. this year with her has been such a joy, and she's been such a blessing to our family. even though i'd love for her to stay our adorable chubby baby forever, we can't wait to watch her grow into a little lady.

happy first birthday, adalaide!

and just for fun...

Happy Birthday Mama!

This is the last year my wife can say she's in her twenties and I feel it necessary to reciprocate words of praise on her special day (which was yesterday). First off, what a wonderful mom for sharing her birthday with her beloved daughter. Doesn't get much more selfless then that. And for all of you who know Meghan, you know that the birthday is possibly the most important day of celebration in ones life. This is obviously reflected in how much time and effort she puts into giving me and her daughters the best birthdays ever. If only I had a cloning machine to make another Meghan to throw herself a party. One can dream! She really knows how to go the extra mile to make us feel loved and important and we are so blessed. Plus she is an awesome party thrower; And Pregnant! Anyway...for all you people who enjoy this thing called the blogosphere, I just wanted you to know how much I do appreciate and love my wife. She is the BEST. So happy birthday honey. May it be our best year yet!

Happy Birthday Mama!

This is the last year my wife can say she's in her twenties and I feel it necessary to reciprocate words of praise on her special day (which was yesterday). First off, what a wonderful mom for sharing her birthday with her beloved daughter. Doesn't get much more selfless then that. And for all of you who know Meghan, you know that the birthday is possibly the most important day of celebration in ones life. This is obviously reflected in how much time and effort she puts into giving me and her daughters the best birthdays ever. If only I had a cloning machine to make another Meghan to throw herself a party. One can dream! She really knows how to go the extra mile to make us feel loved and important and we are so blessed. Plus she is an awesome party thrower; And Pregnant! Anyway...for all you people who enjoy this thing called the blogosphere, I just wanted you to know how much I do appreciate and love my wife. She is the BEST. So happy birthday honey. May it be our best year yet!

weekend of l-o-v-e

brian and i went on a little date. we ate yummy food. slowly. and actually conversed with one another. it was quite lovely, and i feel motivated to make it happen more than, oh twice a year. also, someone may have needed to loosen their belt on the ride home. and it wasn't brian. 

we baked treats for vday

and put together special goodies for our friends. cute cards from here.

we made a special valentine for brian

which was fun for a while...

until it wasn't anymore.

good weekend, for sure.

weekend of l-o-v-e

brian and i went on a little date. we ate yummy food. slowly. and actually conversed with one another. it was quite lovely, and i feel motivated to make it happen more than, oh twice a year. also, someone may have needed to loosen their belt on the ride home. and it wasn't brian. 

we baked treats for vday

and put together special goodies for our friends. cute cards from here.

we made a special valentine for brian

which was fun for a while...

until it wasn't anymore.

good weekend, for sure.