10.08.2009

mean girls

Brian and I have always said that we would love to have a whole clan of girls. Even though we know it's not true, we discuss how nice it would be to never have to deal with some of the "boy issues", especially in adolescence. Today, I was hit with one of those moments where i realized man, this is a really sucky thing about being a girl/raising girls. mean girls. We were in the play area at the mall and it was empty except for two older girls (probably 4ish). It started out that they were chasing Finley around. All the girls were laughing and having fun. When they stopped the "chase game" I heard the ring leader tell Finley she couldn't follow them, she wasn't invited, and that she didn't have a ticket. "Go away", she said. Finley had no idea what that meant and she just kept running around after them. I'm sitting there wondering what's worse: that they're being so mean to her, or that she's totally clueless and thinks she's made some new best friends. A few minutes later, Finley sort of backs away into a little hiding spot. I think to myself that she must be pooping (because the girl likes her privacy). I watch the older girls run over and make fun of her for pooping and tease her about it being stinky. It broke my heart. I swooped in and took off the bathroom. For a long while, I just couldn't shake off how upsetting the whole scene was. Thankfully, Finley had no idea what was going on, and she kept asking to go back and play with the other kids. In no time though she will understand when she's being teased or left out. And she will undoubtedly have hurt feelings. I just hope and pray that as we deal with this more regularly, God will lead Brian and to figure out how the heck to deal with this issue. How to protect our children, how to teach that we must love our enemies, how to raise girls that are kind and loving. And how we as their parents can deal with the anger and sadness that comes from watching encounters like we had today. (I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I was thinking not nice thoughts about the two girls, and also their mom and dad- who both had their noses buried in their blackberries). I know I'm getting a little ahead of myself here. But, for some reason this issue just really strikes a cord in me. I wasn't ever bullied per se, but i can remember certain times throughout my childhood where I felt left out, and I just desperately wanted to be included. And as hurtful and upsetting as it was to me as a middle schooler, I think it's going to be even worse when it happens to my babies.

3 comments:

michelle said...

I don't know what so say....that just breaks my heart.Finley is so happy, kind, loving,sweet and happy again. I don't know what it is in some girls that makes them act out that way. Sad as it is, once it starts, it seems to get worse. It's like the witting is on the wall for Jr and Sr High. I pray that Finley will continue to be the confident and strong girl that she is. You and Brian are raising her so well, she is amazing. When sweet Hailey encountered that behavior in preschool she put her hands on her hips and said to the mean girls "Do you talk to your Mom like that?" What a come back!

Meghan Elaine said...

Yuck! I'm so sorry you had to see that. As a school counselor we put tons of labels on everything and we call the mean girl stuff, 'relational aggression'- a fancy term for bitchy behavior. I often facilitated conflict resolution for girls as young as Kinder. My heart will break when Ella experiences this. I just pray that our girls will be resilient and secture in themselves. But stil, I know it will hurt :(

Meghan Elaine said...

And by secture, I mean secure...